Go On aka WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS SHOW?

So I've been finding a little bit of healing this week in a TV show. Somehow, I think that Joe, my TV junkie husband, would have gotten a big kick out of that. I honestly cannot believe that I didn't know about Go On before it started airing, but thankfully I heard about it from someone in a grief group I attend. I went home that night and was happy to find all 5 of the show's episodes available on Verizon Fios On Demand (and the 6th one airing that night).

So, I began watching. I figured I would watch one or two episodes and then get some sleep. Four episodes later I decided that I really DID need to sleep if I was going to wake up for work the next morning. I laughed and cried and laughed and cried. For me, it was perfect.

With gems such as...

"If I'm watching the Daily Show, can I call you and repeat funny things that Jon Stewart has just said?"

and

"I should just get a t-shirt that says Janie died. Or vanity plates that say dead wife." (Followed by a whole discussion about how "dead wife" is too many characters for a license plate and "ded wyf" is already taken in their state according to the online DMV database, etc etc.)

and

"WHAT'S THE ITUNES PASSWORD?"

...this show just says all the right things at all the right times and I am finding it very true to life.

There is one moment in particular though, that captured me and hasn't let me go since. It's from the 3rd episode. In the midst of a discussion about when they each experience their most difficult moments, Ryan (Matthew Perry's character) shares with his support group that he still wakes up every morning at 1:23am because his wife always used to sleep smack him at that time.

Ryan: 1:23am

Lauren (group leader): That's...very specific.

Ryan: Every night at 1:23am Janie used to roll over in her sleep and slap me in the face and scare the living hell out of me. So I used to wake up at that exact moment every night, you know, to brace myself, and I still do. Only now, when that oddly strong little arm doesn't come, I realize that she's gone...again. And it's lonely, you know. It's 1:23am. There's no one to call.

In the final scene of the episode, a truly beautiful scene unfolds:

Ryan once again wakes up at 1:23am and looks over at his alarm clock.

Then he hears the doorbell. He opens it to find all the members of his support group standing at the door saying hello.

Ryan: What are you guys doing here?

Group Member: It's 1:23, right? Isn't this when you need someone?

Ryan: Hi. Come on in.

Lauren: They showed up at my house and told me they were coming here.

This was one of those "cry" moments in the laugh and cry, laugh and cry continuum. It reminded me of all the people in my life over the past 10 months who have been there for me in my "1:23am" moments. Joe did not have a habit of hitting me in his sleep, but we did have our own habits and routines and things we liked to do together which leave big empty spaces now that he is gone. So, for all of those who have called, texted, emailed, messaged, posted or tweeted and especially those who have hugged, socialized, partied, babysat, or relaxed during those "1:23am" moments...thank you, thank you, thank you.

In case you are wondering, I didn't spoil all of the funny (or sweet) moments in Go On. There's still the part where Ryan follows a random single guy around the grocery store buying everything he buys because he does not know what or how much to get. And the part where he leads the whole support group out of the meeting to dress up in crazy costumes and chase the Google Maps car. And the part where he throws random condolence fruit at Terrell Owens in his Escalade because T.O. is texting and driving. Maybe now I've got you curious enough to join me on Tuesday at 9pm eastern for the next one.