When The Right Player Comes Along...

When I made the decision to start dating again 8 months after Joe died I was hopeful, a little mortified, and excited at the prospect of someday finding another person with whom I could once again share my life. Just over two years after that I found myself cynical, frustrated, and still feeling very much alone. I had spent plenty of time and effort creating profiles on online dating sites, asking people I knew for introductions to their single friends, and going out on dates. I had invested what seemed like way too much time away from my little guy. There was lots of looking forward to what I thought maybe could possibly be out there a second go around.

It wasn't all miserable, but I was certainly feeling like the love story of my life had already been written and that my best case scenario was going to be something less than the passion and depth I had already known. I reached a low point in December when the 3rd year anniversary of Joe's death came around. The high of qualifying for the Boston Marathon was gone. A casual relationship that had sustained me through my training had fizzled. The daunting holiday season was coming whether I liked it or not and with it all the responsibilities of being the only parent to an expectant toddler. I had resigned myself to hoping for someone to connect with instead of someone to actually be with and I wasn't even able to find that.

So, I was doing the day by day amazing single mom thing and figuring out how to deal with the loneliness. There was Christmas. And New Years. And many days thereafter.

Then, there was a particular Monday in January.

January 26, 2015 to be exact.

The day when the beauty of online dating finally had mercy on me. And there was a connection that actually was SOMETHING. In the most unexpected place. In the middle of a snowstorm.

There was a week of messages and texts and then that Friday there was a first date. He showed up with a pack of Reese's for me and a Minecraft figure for me to give the little guy. We talked all night and texted after we got home. When he told me that he was perfectly fine with the feelings I will always have for Joe and that he respects how he will always be a part of my life, I knew this was something real. When I already wanted to catch up with him again for a drink the next night, I couldn't ignore that something was happening.

After that it was as if our story had been written long before and was only waiting for the right time to be told. All of my waiting finally started to make sense.

He's a Jets fan and if you know anything about my household, we are steadfast Giants fans - like bleeding blue Giants fans. Life is rough in both of those worlds right now, but for some reason that doesn't stop us from mocking each other (go figure). But as I was writing this post, I was reminded of one that I wrote when I first started dating about 2 and a half years ago. It almost bothers me how true it rings to my current situation...

This week's Go On episode was about starting to date again, a topic I've been mulling over in my own life since July or so in one way or another. Ryan's monologue at the end captured my current conclusion perfectly. I still don't understand how this show ALWAYS does that (and with sports imagery to boot), but I'm thankful it does.

Here's the monologue: "This has been a great Thanksgiving for half of us - the half whose team won. For the other half it's time for some brutal honesty. There are six weeks left in the NFL season. Physicists tell us that objects that suck for 11 weeks tend to remain sucking so it's time to think about rebuilding and you never know how long that's going to take. The right player could come along tomorrow and change everything. In the meantime, you gotta take care of the people you've got...they may not be the ones you choose, but they're your team.

It may have taken way longer than I thought it would, but the right player came along. The timing was what it was supposed to be for both of us even if we wished it could have been different. And in only two weeks he has changed things pretty dramatically in my life for the better.

I have so few words to explain how it feels. Except for maybe stealing them from others...

GRACEFULLY
copyright © 2010 Vintage Trouble Music

I was lost and alone in the shadows
Dark in my mind
My heart was trampled in the battle
Love left me blind

Then you came around and found me, baby
You took my hand
And made me stand like the man I am again

DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME
GONE AND WASHED AWAY MY MISERY
WITH YOUR TOUCH
YOU LOVE ME GRACEFULLY

I was shattered into pieces
Torn to the bone
And nothing mattered. No reason
To come from under my stone

Then like the sun you fell over me, baby
You hit my eyes
And made me rise and fly and shine again

DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME
GONE AND WASHED AWAY MY MISERY
WITH YOUR TOUCH
YOU LOVE ME GRACEFULLY

I’d ‘bout given up on it all
Every single little hope and dream
Then you heard it and answered my call
When you lifted me
Lifted me over the wall

DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME
GONE AND WASHED AWAY MY MISERY
WITH YOUR TOUCH
YOU LOVE ME GRACEFULLY
YOU LOVE ME GRACEFULLY
LOVE GRACEFULLY