50 for 50

This is the 14th year we have marked Joe's birthday since he passed. It's been so much life without him that sometimes I can feel the hole in my heart - that place where he belongs. That place where we laughed together, enjoyed music and the Mets together, sorted through the ups and downs of life together. 

He would have been 50 years old today. Over the last few weeks, my mind has wandered to what we might have planned if he were still physically here with us. Would it have been a big surprise party? Would it have been a smaller outing to today's Opening Day Mets game? Would it have been a once in a lifetime trip to somewhere we'd never been? It could have been any of those things. Or maybe even something that doesn't come to mind. 

Instead, Domani and I will visit the cemetery and then head to Citifield for the Mets Home Opener along with a good friend and her son. She was the friend who went with the two of us to the Mets Home Opener in 2012, just a few months after Joe died. I can't think of a better way to remember Joe on his birthday than cheering for the Mets with Domani. Well, that and sharing these 50 random things in honor of what would have been his 50th birthday.

One: Joe was a proud dad with every bit of his being. This photo is from the hospital shortly after Domani was born, but he was in this pose all the time with him.

Two: He got things done around the house and always had an eye for details. Here he is putting the finishing touches on Domani's bedroom.

Three: He was a proud (and fun) uncle. In this photo we are with his niece who is now in college and his nephew who is now in high school.

Four: Concerts. We never missed a chance to see Greg Dulli live with whatever version of band he toured. This was from London in 2009 where we saw Greg Dulli and Mark Lanegan (The Gutter Twins).

Five: I think Joe knew that Johan Santana was going to be the one to throw a no hitter for the Mets before any of the rest of us. It happened six months after he died.

Six: Mets Adventures! We celebrated my birthday with a Spring Training trip in 2009.

Seven: Our wedding day. I often drive past the spot where we were married (it was a day camp and is now appears to be a private residence) and give thanks. For the beautiful weather, all of the people we love who were able to be there with us, and the fun activities that made our wedding special.

Eight: Joe the secret comedian. He was always up for a fun (if slightly evil) joke, including hiding the kids' Easter eggs on his person (much more challenging to find that way!)

Nine: Mets postseason baseball. This was from the Division Series in 2006. A heartbreaking postseason in the NLCS which may or may not have ended with something being thrown in the general direction of Joe's TV, but this was definitely a bright spot.

Ten: He was a seize the day kind of guy. This was our first day of a family vacation in 2011 which we started with a very early morning (almost sunrise) walk to the beach since Domani was already awake. That quiet time we got before everyone else arrived was one of my most special memories of the vacation.

Eleven: Lazy afternoons hanging out in Princeton. When we dated in college, we would often lay out a blanket on the grass and just enjoy the day. I still have that old, ugly blanket we would use.

Twelve: Adventures in Boston. We spent our honeymoon there and also made a couple of other trips. It was a special place to us and I still love visiting for the warm memories it brings.

Thirteen: Just because I love this photo and we look so young. It's hard to believe this was when we started dating the second time.

Fourteen: Domani's baptism. He was so content with Joe. I only wish he were still here to celebrate Domani's Confirmation with us - coming in  June 2025!

Fifteen: The yard work. Joe took so much pride in our house and he actually enjoyed doing the yard work to keep it up. He was so excited to receive this snow blower from his dad for Christmas. I never learned to use it and it doesn't work anymore, so Domani and I are back to shoveling with the occasional kindness of a neighbor using their own snow blower thrown in.

Sixteen: Tortugas Mexican Village. It was one of our favorite restaurants and this was our first trip there as a family. We went to celebrate my birthday in 2011. Domani and I have kept up the tradition of going here regularly, often with Joe's friend Sam.

Seventeen: Laughs for days. Joe could make Domani laugh unlike anyone else. I can still hear his baby giggles as Joe would play with him.

Eighteen: Our last concert together. It was, of course, to see Greg Dulli. It was at the Trocadero in May 2011 and we sat in the balcony for the first time ever at a show. 

Nineteen: Silliness. Domani brought it out in him and it was always fun to watch.

Twenty: One of my favorite photos of us. It was from a photo shoot with my family shortly after we started dating for the second time. I still have this one in my room.

Twenty-One: Not only did he play guitar in real life, but he was a Rock Band star too.

Twenty-two: Father and son. I love glimpsing the pieces of Joe that come through in Domani at each age and stage. From physical appearance to expressions to personality traits, I often find myself saying "you look like your dad right now" or "that's something your dad would have said" and it makes me smile.

Twenty-three: National Baseball Hall of Fame and that card. We took a trip to Cooperstown in the spring of 2011 and one of my most vivid memories of it was when we put Domani's face into this baseball card and could not stop laughing. Domani was a good sport and recreated it two years ago when we went to Cooperstown with my parents and siblings.

Twenty-four: Boston cream pie. This is the one we had on our last Thanksgiving together before he died. Not only was it a dessert we both loved, but it was also a sweet reminder of our trips to Boston.

Twenty-five: Domani's first game at Citifield. Mr. Met was understandably scary then, but he has no problem posing now. Joe bought him a stuffed Mr. Met to take home with him which was much less intimidating. So glad we made this trip and even managed a family photo.

Twenty-six: Domani's first MLB game was a weekend trip to watch the Mets play the Nationals in DC. Domani is trying to put his Mets hat on Joe who was always willing to play along.

Twenty-seven: Joe's smile says it all. He loved being this kid's dad.

Twenty-eight: Joe and his brother drove around for hours to find that little charcoal grill (with maybe some stops in between...) but we had smores and szalonna on vacation so that's all that mattered.

Twenty-nine: Those stupid claw machines. Joe was determined and he easily spent more than $20 to win the two stuffed toys for Domani during our vacation in LBI.



Thirty: Miniature golfing and trash talk. He was really good at both. He also enjoyed sending things to me through campus mail which resulted in a written record of such things.

Thirty-one: Candid moments from vacation like this one from Hilton Head are so special. I love these little glimpses into our life together.

Thirty-two: Skateboarding. He did it a lot when he was young including some pretty impressive stunts. He was still occasionally riding his skateboard around Princeton when we dated.

Thirty-three: Joe was a huge Giants fan and eventually brought me along. This was the beginning of it when I lost a bet and had to wear one of his Giants jerseys.

Thirty-four: Joe was a big Simpsons fan. He also was the one who would introduce me to new shows, music, and movies. In 2021 we went to Florida with my sister and her wife and raised a glass to Joe at Moe's Tavern at Universal Studios.

Thirty-five: Joe was an excellent driver and even more so when he was driving Domani home from the hospital for the first time. I snapped this photo from the backseat where I was sitting with Domani.

Thirty-six: Joe was well versed in all things tech so it was no surprise that he started to introduce his son to the iPad at an early age. There were a few apps they played with together and Joe created a "Sleepytime" play mix for him.

Thirty-seven: Domani's first amusement park ride was with Joe in LBI. Now Domani is braving all the rides, including roller coasters that I won't step foot on.

Thirty-eight: On the beach in South Florida in 2006. This was the trip where I knew it was the real deal and we would be together for the rest of our lives.

Thirty-nine: Napping father and son. Loved these moments.

Forty: Learning to drive with dad. Joe was showing him what everything does and fake driving with him. I still love watching the video I took that day.

Forty-one: Family beach fun at LBI in 2011. Domani took right to the water and still loves time at the beach.

Forty-two: Playing games. My favorite was playing Scrabble with Joe. He always gave me a run for my money.

Forty-three: Fireworks in the front yard. An added benefit of our house that we didn't realize when we bought it was the excellent view of the town's fireworks on the 4th of July. We just sat in the front yard and enjoyed the show!

Forty-four: A beer for dad and a bottle for son. This was at Sotto, an Italian restaurant we loved that is no longer open.

Forty-five: Enjoying the Memorial Day parade in Jamesburg. Joe and I were so glad that we bought a house in this community and took part in everything we could. This parade is only one of the many great things about living here that Domani and I still enjoy.

Forty-six: Casey. I never really liked dogs. Until I met Casey. I'm glad Joe introduced us and started softening my hard heart towards pets.

Forty-seven: Joe loved being behind the camera whether it was a special event, vacation, or just day to day moments. Thankful now for all the photos he captured over the years.

Forty-eight: My favorite photo of Joe. We were having a party at the condo with a summer theme. He had a few Twisted Teas and a full water gun. It was a lot of fun.

Forty-nine: Our birthdays are a month apart and so adopted this practice of telling me on my birthday that I'm only two years younger now and I would catch up soon. It was a tough thing to grapple with when I turned 36 and did indeed catch up to his age.

Fifty: I opened a Twisted Tea last night as I was starting to look for photos for this post and the bottle cap said "Love". So fitting. Happy 50th Birthday, Joe. Cheers to all of the memories and the beauty you left for us to carry forward.